I have just returned from four days in Switzerland in France where we went for my brother in law's 50th birthday - lots of fresh air, memories, mountains, divine food and dancing. The Dents Du Midi, the mountains in the picture I took above, are the backdrop to my childhood and I couldn't get enough of gazing at them.
Seeing lots of people I haven't seen for some time, people naturally want to know what I've been up to and how my writing is going. When I tell them I'm working on getting my novel published, a few comment What, you still haven't got that one published? It's all in jest, ha ha, but even so, I did find myself stopping and scratching my head on a few occasions. I know there are some who think that all one has to do to publish a novel is just send it out there and sit and wait for the rest to happen. People are not trying to be unkind, they are just (blissfully) ignorant of the true nature of the beast that is the publishing industry.
It's hard at times like this not to have a minor crisis of confidence in my abilities. This is two-fold I think, firstly that yes, I am still working on the same novel so many years on and secondly, that no literary agent let alone publisher is sitting up and taking notice of me. It didn't help that just the day after I got back, I received another bog-standard rejection letter from one of the agents who was interested in my novel the first time round. Sigh. Another notch of red on my colour-coded literary agents chart - I have yet to highlight anything in green! It is very, very easy to occasionally ask myself the questions Can I really write at all? Am I wasting my time? Who wants to read a novel set in the Spanish Civil war anyway? Judging by the bestseller charts, all everyone wants to read about is sex (not mentioning any names Ms James), and no matter how hard I try, erotica is never going to be my genre.
HOWEVER....enough of giving myself a hard time. I happen to have three small children and that may just factor in a tad as to why it's taken me so long to complete my novel. I have a document in which I write down all the 'writing successes' I've had over the years, whether it's having a short story published or an article in the Green Parent magazine. I think this is really important for me and this is why I keep writing and sending out stories to places, because sometimes they do get accepted and it's an affirmation for me that I can write. I am also really looking forward to a workshop I'm going to on saturday which is all about designing and evaluating effective creative writing workshops with Lapidus (Writing for health and wellbeing). The idea has danced around the back of my head for many years that at some point in the future, I'd love to do more writing in the community. Writing is something I am so passionate about that I want to learn how I can share this passion with others.
It's so important for me, particularly now with these little confidence knocks I'm receiving, to keep focussed on my love of writing; that it's not all about 'THE NOVEL', it's about getting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard!) and how that makes me feel.
I can relate so much to everything you say. As artists we are encouraged to see the bigger picture and aim for the stars when really its the small little stepping stone goals that can fill our hearts and minds with such joy. Sometimes it's easy to miss and forget that. We are not born brilliant, we have to work hard at it and have faith that the world will work itself out even if its not quite the way you expect. Having your confidence knocked is as cliche as it sounds so character building and it does make you stronger. Your words are out there, just as my music is and even when you think no one is listening, I can promise you that you have been heard.
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